Palm Beach Post

Inheritance Is a Dicey Issue
By Bea Lewis

Special to The Palm Beach Post

Question: I'm in my 80s, widowed for the second time. My daughter has always been there for me, especially during the recent death of my second husband. My son doesn't seem to care what I am going through. His few calls are short and cold.

My question pertains to my will. I would like to make some changes and leave the bulk of my estate to my daughter as a reward for her constant support. My friend says I will cause a rift between her and her brother if I don't divide my money equally, but I don't care. Anyway, the two are not close, so what further estrangement could it create?

Answer: Inheritance issues are often bewildering; our hearts say one thing, our heads say something else. To help sort out your conflict — whether to leave more to your daughter than your son — I turned to wills and estates attorney Les Kotzer. His Web site (www.familyfight.com) features advice aimed at avoiding family inheritance disputes. Communication, both verbal and written, he said, can lessen the potential for family fights.

First, Kotzer suggests talking to your daughter. It's possible she'll disagree with your decision. For some children, he said, a loving sibling relationship has more value than bucks in the bank. Your kids are not close now, he added, but there's always hope for the future. You won't know unless you discuss it with her.

If you can, talk to your son. It could help him understand it's your decision to leave more to his sister than to him. He might think it's OK, but if he's unhappy about it — insisting he did just as much for you as she did — at least he'll realize she didn't push you into it.

"I've seen cases where one sibling takes the other to court thinking the kid who got the greater share had unduly influenced the parent's decision," Kotzer said.

If your heart still dictates to favor your daughter in your will, Kotzer says to be prudent and speak to your lawyer about a separate letter explaining that your daughter was always there for you, and it's your own free will to favor her. It's also prudent, adds Kotzer, to obtain a doctor's letter stating your competence.

To order Kotzer's book, The Family Fight: Planning to Avoid It, call toll free at (877) 439-3999. This guide to wills and estates includes strategies to help avoid family feuds.